Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
