By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
