You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
