He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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