normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
