everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
