Sry I called you an 8
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
