I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
