i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize