I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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