I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
