Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
