Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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