You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
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What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
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Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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