I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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