the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
