Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
