it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did I show you my penis last night?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
