I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
