I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
