I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
