i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
