Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
