I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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