so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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