haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
