He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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