new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
