i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
