next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
