i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
