I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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