You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
