Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
