I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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