she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
