I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
