I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
