if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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