I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
