i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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