Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
