so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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