I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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