Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
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Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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