If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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