she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
