I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
