My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
