If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
