I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
