Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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