I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
