oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
