And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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