Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
