Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
