i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
