i don't like sucking hair
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
