Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
