i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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