I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize