Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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