you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My ass is underappreciated
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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