So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
