I want to walk on stilts...naked
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
