I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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