Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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