Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
