beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
