i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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