Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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