So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just invented taco cereal.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
