I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
