This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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