what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
