either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
