how can u be prego again
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
