Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.

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  (440): tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors. http://tfl.nu/wmwt
  Replies (34) Good night (1376) Bad night (658)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.

  (713): View more from Texas

  I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Texas should really raise its teaching standards.

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  (713): Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party. (713): I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over. (832): Texas should really raise its teaching standards. http://tfl.nu/yy08
  Replies (24) Good night (3142) Bad night (625)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.

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  (301): Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow. http://tfl.nu/rpb6
  Replies (37) Good night (2875) Bad night (4234)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.

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  (720): Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands. http://tfl.nu/3psd
  Replies (19) Good night (1404) Bad night (4349)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer

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  (401): The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer http://tfl.nu/75f3
  Replies (11) Good night (3407) Bad night (1232)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.

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  (386): Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go. http://tfl.nu/vo4f
  Replies (11) Good night (771) Bad night (3196)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance

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  (905): something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance http://tfl.nu/l7ly
  Replies (7) Good night (1106) Bad night (3290)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"

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  (778): we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go" http://tfl.nu/uvr2
  Replies (3) Good night (3271) Bad night (828)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.

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  (570): He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander. http://tfl.nu/mcls
  Replies (5) Good night (1388) Bad night (751)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.

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  (614): lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name. http://tfl.nu/tsk6
  Replies (6) Good night (2242) Bad night (730)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird

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  (630): Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird http://tfl.nu/yn9e
  Replies (5) Good night (674) Bad night (1552)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.

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  (630): I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up. http://tfl.nu/oo6k
  Replies (4) Good night (594) Bad night (1477)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life

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  (402): Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room (1-402): I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life http://tfl.nu/wz9a
  Replies (7) Good night (659) Bad night (252)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick

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  (785): U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick http://tfl.nu/it39
  Replies (7) Good night (1341) Bad night (251)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I will have no part of this.

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  (423): I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down. (423): I will have no part of this. http://tfl.nu/im0o
  Replies (2) Good night (322) Bad night (764)

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