I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.