I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.