I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
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im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.