I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.