I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.