It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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