eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
